A former student of my father-in-law came to see him on Monday. She had had a chauffeur drive her all the way from New York, he said, to spend her 70th birthday with him, and she had spent most of the afternoon talking to him and sobbing. We asked why. He said he didn't have the faintest idea; he couldn't hear or understand most of what she was saying. "I think she must have been telling me the story of her life," he said. They had had some correspondence but he hadn't seen her for at least thirty years.
When I called yesterday to ask if we could come by briefly at lunchtime, before heading back to Montreal, he said he was really too tired. "I made your favorite yogurt soup with kibbeh," I said, thinking he just needed some encouragement. "Shall we just come by and leave it outside your door?"
"Don't waste your time," he said. "I've decided to spend the day in bed and not eat anything. I really don't feel like it."
"Really? I thought you had an eye appointment this afternoon." I was surprised; usually he'll make the effort to see us for a few minutes.
"Yes, she totally exhausted me. We're trying to cancel the appointment."
"Well, we'll call you tomorrow. And call us if you need us."
He laughed and said he would, but there really wasn't anything we could do. So we ate the soup ourselves, rather reluctantly, and drove back to Montreal.
---
This morning we called to see how he was doing. "I waited all afternoon for you to show up!" he said. Stunned silence, then we reiterated yesterday's conversation. "No," he said. "You told me you had made soup and were coming by for lunch!"
aiiieee.
The poor guy. How exhausting that must have been for him. And how disappointing for you as well.
Posted by: Kaycie | October 10, 2007 at 01:21 AM
Ouch...
Sorry to hear this, Beth. Thinking about you both...
Posted by: Pica | October 10, 2007 at 01:35 PM
Oh, man. Can I chuckle sadly and sympathetically? We're all too familiar with such things over this way.
Posted by: language hat | October 10, 2007 at 02:19 PM
I am laughing out loud. That sounds EXACTLY like something my parents would do to me!
Posted by: Kaycie | October 10, 2007 at 03:07 PM
Sorry to hear that, LH. But glad for the empathy. It IS funny, in its own way. Thanks for understanding, Pica and Kaycie.
Posted by: beth | October 10, 2007 at 04:56 PM
This is when NO really doesn't mean NO!
Posted by: Natalie | October 10, 2007 at 06:33 PM
Oh dear. Sounds very familiar as we've experienced it with aging parents and relatives. Hope he forgets the supposed slight.
Gorgoeus photo, by the way!
Posted by: marja-leena | October 10, 2007 at 07:11 PM
Hi Beth and Jonathan,
with one night left to study for my midterm exam tomorrow, I finally find the time to look at your blog. I really like it and the recent posts made me immediately miss Vermont. Thanks again for driving me home after the barbecue at the McDermott's.
Take care,
Yannick
Posted by: Yannick | October 10, 2007 at 09:39 PM
Natalie and Marja-Leena, thank you! He called tonight to apologize for the mix-up and said "Next time just do what you think is right, regardless of what I say!" I told him I loved him no matter what; we laughed, but he really feels like he's losing his grip. A lot of it is that he just can't hear properly on the phone, even though it seems like he's getting it.
Yannick, it's great to hear from you! I'll leave a comment on your blog.
Posted by: beth | October 10, 2007 at 09:54 PM
ack!
Posted by: dale | October 11, 2007 at 01:05 AM
Oh, Beth. Ow. Glad you got to talk on the phone afterwards and clear it up at least somewhat - aging parents is hard.
Posted by: Theriomorph | October 12, 2007 at 01:16 PM
Thanks, Theriomorph. You're right, it's hard sometimes, but I also feel pretty lucky to have had all of our parents into their 80s and beyond.
Posted by: beth | October 24, 2007 at 09:01 PM