Last night we went to a wedding.
The couple in question were being married at their home, in a small civil ceremony attended by family and close friends. We walked along the snowy street to the lighted porch at 6:30 pm, and were met by the immediate warmth of incandescent light and candles; smiling people crowded into a few small rooms; flowers; trays of champagne and little hors d'oeuvres. We all greeted one another and talked happily until all the guests had arrived, and then the hosts called us together saying, "All right, let's do this!"
After a few words of welcome, we listened to "Concord", from the Choral Dances by Benjamin Britten, and then the ceremony began, presided over by a very handsome Quebec notaire, who read the civil code for marriages to the two partners, as required: it states that, by law, both are required to keep their own names, that they are obligated to live together, that they will each contribute financially to the expenses of the family "according to their means," that they are both required to care for each other and share the responsibilities of the relationship. And then the rings were blessed by two Anglican priests who were the official witnesses; the rings were exchanged; the notaire pronounced the couple married; and they embraced while we all spontaneously burst into applause, with hands that were already wet from wiping tears from our faces.
After more champagne the hosts brought out a beautiful home-cooked meal served on their own china: poached salmon with a lemon cream sauce; a filet of beef; a porcelain terrine filled with a fragrant vegetable curry; salads; delicious wine; and later all sorts of little bar cookies - raspberry, lemon-coconut, chocolate - for dessert.
It was, in a word, wonderful, and I was honored and very, very happy to be there. For yesterday was the exact 35th anniversary of the day our friends had met; they had gone home together that night, and have never been apart since. For years, they felt marriage wasn't necessary, and then, more recently, had changed their minds - but wanted it to be in the church where so much of their life has been lived, and their community has been found. But in spite of the presence last evening of seven Anglican priests, all of whom deeply love this couple, and the continued efforts of many of us present, this is still impossible in Canada. So these two men decided thirty-five years was long enough to wait, and gave themselves a wedding.
A couple marries each other, and P. and R. did that last night. I hope there is no doubt in their minds that their wedding was holy, sacramental, and complete. The room was radiant with love.
It does sound like a beautiful evening. How wonderful they must feel about their relationship, thirty-five years on, to confirm their love for one another in such a public, and lovely way.
Posted by: kaycie | January 17, 2008 at 10:23 PM
How wonderful and loving, even 35 years later! But I don't understand, gays are allowed to marry in Canada. Oh, it's within the Anglican Church in Canada that it isn't accepted?
Posted by: marja-leena | January 17, 2008 at 10:28 PM
Required to keep their own names? Obligated to live together? Yikes.
Posted by: Dave | January 17, 2008 at 11:23 PM
Such a beautiful thing. I'm envious.
Posted by: Pascale Soleil | January 17, 2008 at 11:28 PM
(o)
Posted by: dale | January 18, 2008 at 02:09 AM
How lovely. Thanks for sharing
I was interested by the bits in the code requiring that a married couple live together and join their finances, at least to some extent. It's rather fashionable here, I think, for affluent married couples to do neither of these, especially not the latter.
Posted by: Jean | January 18, 2008 at 06:41 AM
Sorry, 'here' is England, as Beth knows.
Posted by: Jean | January 18, 2008 at 06:42 AM
How wonderful to have this post piggybacked on your previous one on "Love & Attachment." Thirty-five years together says everything you need to know about L&A, doesn't it?
Posted by: Lorianne | January 18, 2008 at 12:01 PM
I teared up reading this. How beautiful.
Posted by: Megin | January 18, 2008 at 08:08 PM
Here you've beautifully pictured the wedding by words. Its sounds like complete-happy wedding. God bless them...
Breakdown Recovery
Posted by: John | January 19, 2008 at 12:45 AM
Here in England last summer I attended the marriage of two male friends (civil ceremony followed by a service held in their local church presided over by their church minister). Is this not possible in Canada?
Posted by: Anna | January 19, 2008 at 06:27 PM
This was a joyful thing to read; I can only imagine how wonderful it must have been to witness. I hope those of us in the (non-Massachusetts) states will win the same right before many more years pass.
(though I have to echo Dave on being obligated to live together: some of the most long-lived & happy marriages I've encountered wouldn't meet that condition!)
Posted by: elizabeth | January 20, 2008 at 08:06 PM