Easter hasn't arrived here yet; it feels like we're in a different time zone, a different world running on a different clock. We're still stuck on Calgary, the drama unfolding toward its certain ending.
He's not talking about death anymore, but wondering, in his few waking moments, what sort of sickness he has. This morning he asked for some fruit, and I cut an orange into thin slices and then halves, and placed the golden half-moons in his mouth like communion wafers, one after another, as he chewed with eyes shut. "This is...delicious," he said. In the afternoon he asked for a piece of bread with cheese. We had some labneh, yogurt cheese, and he ate that. Everything is a huge effort: opening his eyes, speaking, thinking, and especially, remembering; it is life pared down to its essence -- I thirst, I hunger; I sleep -- the frightening unknown apparently kept at bay by love.
I scanned once more to see if there was a post today and here it is.If you wondered whether you were exhausted enough, Canadian enough, your Easter typo (Calgary/Calvary?) sums it up! I hope you leave it as a marker for this day in your history. love, Vivian
Posted by: Vivian Lewin | March 23, 2008 at 10:27 PM
As Vivien said! I was confused at first that you were somehow suddenly in Calgary...
Posted by: marja-leena | March 23, 2008 at 11:28 PM
Thinking of you, your husband and your father-in-law.
Posted by: Kaycie | March 24, 2008 at 01:52 AM
Good grief. Thanks for the correction, Vivian - as you deduced, I didn't even notice what I had done! I'm definitely leaving it here!
Thanks so much, Marja-Leena and Kaycie. He had a pretty good night and has been clearer this morning than yesterday, with flashes of humor. The most important thing is that he's calm.
Posted by: beth | March 24, 2008 at 09:51 AM
And a typo shows the divine order of it all.
Posted by: Pat | March 24, 2008 at 11:56 AM
(o)
Posted by: dale | March 25, 2008 at 12:27 AM
I was looking at the frozen snow and thinking about waiting...waiting for spring...waiting for the winter to be over...
anticipation,anxiety... inseparable.
Posted by: Joyce | March 25, 2008 at 09:41 AM
Love the title of this posting. I knew exactly what you meant...but take this as a sign that you are becoming ever more Canadian.
Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers in this beautiful and momentous days, so exquisitely described here.
Posted by: margaret | March 25, 2008 at 11:55 AM
Picturing your father-in-law savoring those orange slices made me smile. Reminds me of the Zen story of the man hanging off the cliff escaping the tiger, and savoring the wild strawberry he picks while hanging there.
Posted by: leslee | March 25, 2008 at 07:10 PM
I really took me a while to figure out what you were doing out West...
On pense à vous. Et à lui aussi, bien sûr.
Posted by: Martine | March 25, 2008 at 09:40 PM
Having read (with admiration) your posts about your wonderful father in law for so many months I feel almost as if he is a friend
My thoughts are with you...
Posted by: Mouse | March 26, 2008 at 04:14 AM