Is this in the world?

We stayed on the floor in his study  last night, and got up with him three times in the night, awakened by his groans as he tried to get up out of bed. He was practically sleep, walking with great difficulty to the bathroom, but determined to get there, groaning heavily all the while. Then he would fall back into bed with a great sigh. The third time he just let himself collapse, headfirst and face down across the mattress, and we had quite a time turning him around so that he was comfortable, but at the end of that process we could tell he was smiling; something about it was still amusing.

The disorientation returned with the dawn. He took the walker out into his living room, asking "where have all the books had come from in this place?"

"There are wonderful books here," said C. "Even books in Arabic!"

"Qu'est-ce que tu dis?" he said then, with some annoyance, leaning forward.

"There are a lot of wonderful books here,"

"Did someone steal them?"

Finally we got him to go back to bed. "Is this my bed?" he asked, and once he was settled I sat next to him. He looked at the wall and the familiar painting, shook his head, and said, "They even have my picture here!"

"Yes," I said. "It's your picture because this is your own room in your own house. Everything is OK."

"Is this a real place, then?" he said, looking at me inquisitively. "Is this in the world?"

I said, "Yes! It's very much a real place. You're still alive, J. is here, I'm  here, and C. is here -- we're all right here with you."

"Amazing!" he said, and fell asleep.

Comments

[pat]

What places is this wonderful man wandering through and is this the learning our souls remember for all time? Heaven and earth and all the in-betweens separated by mere gauze... leaves an impression on us all.
Bless you.

[Lucy]

Oh Beth, I've just been so absorbed, reading your 'week of journeying', and now this.

From my experience particularly of my father, being with the dying is such an all-consuming experience; sometimes it feels so exhausting you want it to end, but when it does it can leave such a gap, I missed the intensity and the realness of it. So wonderful he can be so articulate, and that you are there to hear.

Wishing you strength and good heart.

[Nancy]

I've been following your father-in-law's story for years now, and feel that I know him a little. I was far away when my own mother died, and regret it. Perhaps that is partly why this is so moving -- a little bit of the mystery of dying explained.