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February 14, 2021

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I can't say I was aware of the risk, only of the relief that it might happen. Within a few weeks of moving from the region where I was born down to London. And within another year to be married. Leading to the first significant discovery that I would never again view life through one set of eyes and via a single brain. It sounds crass to bring up this further point and yet I believe it was an important - if material - expression of trust: we combined our bank accounts and that joint account has endured to this day.

There were the usual testing passages - notably concerning our daughters - but now, at the end of our lives, there is a new and quite different intensity. I look at my wife's face and note the passage of time, wince at the effects chronic pain has had and is having. There are of course barriers that even the closest couple cannot cross and this is one of them. Other than be there. And go on sharing. And continue to reflect that all those remembered events happened to two people not one. Stereoscopy is a superior way of looking at the world compared with monoscopy (if that word exists) and you would know this as a painter. As in life.

Thank you so much for this healing post that I am reading on the day after Valentine's Day, nearly 55 years after falling in love at first sight. The living light of our love remains with me, long after surviving the insurmountable difficulties that led to his death in 2008.

Thank you Roderick, too, for your comment. "... all those remembered events happened to two people not one."

beth. have omly juft read this, with difficuliy due to cataract op yesterday but wabt to thank you. will write when can see better.

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Who was Cassandra?


  • In the Iliad, she is described as the loveliest of the daughters of Priam (King of Troy), and gifted with prophecy. The god Apollo loved her, but she spurned him. As a punishment, he decreed that no one would ever believe her. So when she told her fellow Trojans that the Greeks were hiding inside the wooden horse...well, you know what happened.

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